World Anti-DrugTransnational Internet contest - "Maya"

I started writing about the first date with my beloved one. It all seemed to be so beautiful and I have a lot of moments to remember, but having written the first draft page, while and recalling and reasoning, I remembered all the darkness of our life. Perhaps, this is all because of my depression. I don’t know.

How smart and shrewd this person was… Having talked to me two times only, he could read me like a genius psychologist. Moreover, he could do it far ahead, even though during our first date I tried to seem mysterious and complicated. Later, when I lived with him, I never stopped wondering his intelligence and insight, his ability to manipulate people for his own goals. Me and my pregnant paunch were among his ideals and goals. He wanted to have a lot of money, to eat well, to work less and bum around someone.

He would never tell a person about the reason of meeting beforehand, but after the person would say and do, whatever my husband wanted, as if he had been hypnotized. These were not the single cases, as I remember, he never had failed. He also manipulated me, and it took ages for me to realize that it was already too late to break up with him. We already knew too much about each other. For ages, we didn’t leave each other for more than an hour. There were some exceptions, but only when we argued.

Eventually, in a struggle for life, I managed to surpass over my mentor. This was scaring. I had no illusions anymore, I lost my faith in people, and gained the contempt towards the whole world. The only thing that I used to love was opium. My husband was “smart” enough not to stand between me and the poison. He knew for sure that on the scales of him and opium, I would get high instead. Therefore, when I was running out of this poison, he gave me the last he had. He said nothing, but hated me and was jealous to the drugs, however he couldn’t do anything.

I used to love and admire him for 10 years. I loved him, even when I got to know him backwards. As if I was hypnotized, I lived and thought the way he wanted. For all my life, before I gave birth to my boy, I found love, delight, admiration and hatred in one person. I never regret about all this. This is just lifeas it is … with its ups and downs. God seems to send me all these life difficulties, so that I would learn my lesson out of all this. God saw that there was still a light spot inside me, and there were chances that time, when I repent my sins, will definitely come. If not this way, I would have died a long time ago, not only morally, but physically as well. His will be done.